Since even before I Wish I Were the Moon, Daniel Benmergui has been answering an interesting question: What are the narrative possibilities of a game where the player's only method of interaction is to move objects from place to place, one at a time?
I Wish I Were the Moon solved the problem by offering several different endings, with a simple means of reaching each one. It was charming, and inspiring in its clean originality, but it left an unwritten question: What if these same interaction techniques were applied to a single purpose? What if it all added up to something greater?
This is that game. With nothing onscreen but a few blocky characters and a short poem, Today I Die carves a slice out of an existential nightmare and serves it to you raw. You could classify it as an adventure game or a puzzle game, but it doesn't feel like it should be pigeon-holed with anything. The solutions are so well-integrated, applied with such holistic grace. You won't even realize how many jigsaw pieces are displaced until you discover how they fit together.
Inflated low-resolution sprites have become a shorthand for interactive narrative experiments. See Gray, Don't Look Back, and The Majesty of Colors for examples. Without complex characters and animation to distract you, the direct spark between player and game calls focus. Your brain turns on because it has to, in order to make sense of the visuals.
As satisfying as each moment is, Today I Die is still a very short ride. The exciting thing, more than the game itself, is the path it blazes—a true integration of story and interplay, unmanageable by any other medium but games. If this is a poem, imagine a novel. Somewhere, a budding game designer is playing Today I Die, brain suddenly burning with the possibilities.
Walkthrough Guide
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Well, the game is a little too easy to need a walkthrough, so here's a narrative-through, with my own interpretation of the plot (apologies to Daniel Benmergui if I'm completely wrong)...
THE STORY
Ugh... my life. What isn't boring is painful. There's nothing to do and no time to do it, I'm too shy to make friends, mom and dad are always pestering me about my grades (as if anything in high school is going to be useful in the real world), and the one boy I like (who lives right next frickin' door) doesn't even know I exist.
I was just sleepwalking these days, trying to let all the bad stuff just roll right over me, to ignore it, to not feel anything as life tossed me around like a stupid, helpless ragdoll.
So, one day I got home from school, just like every other day, and trudged up to my room. I took out a little journal in my nightstand. I hadn't written for a long time, I used to love it, I'd close my eyes and imagine fantastic worlds, but the last couple years I hadn't had the energy.
EMILY'S POETRY JOURNAL, the thing said in that stupid, cutesy little flowery script on the cover. Dang, this thing was old. I was a little embarrassed to be writing in it, but the way I felt right now, nothing mattered. I just let myself regress, to feel that power once again.
THE POEM
When I was a kid, I'd imagine unicorns, fairyland and harps. Now, all I could picture was an ocean, a ball and chain wrapped around me dragging me down to the depths. The words flowed out of my mind, and all I could write was...
dead world
full of shades
today I die
That's what started it all.
dead world
full of shades
today I die
Around me drifted two dark fish with glowing eyes, and a bunch of pale yellow jellyfish. I couldn't move my arms or legs, but I felt an invisible hand could pull stuff around at my command, almost like the cursor of a mouse. The dream logic in full effect. I could move the jellyfish, the dark fish, and me.
I found I'd written two words below it, on the page, "dark" and "painful." I wondered what I'd created, so I mentally dragged the word "dark" up to where the word "dead" was, to make them switch places.
dark world
full of shades
today I die
I imagined an undersea cavern, with a bunch of dust clouds gathered around some hidden thing at the bottom. As tired and worn out as I was, I couldn't even move them.
This was the world where I could seal myself away from the world, allowing nothing out or in.
Then I dragged the word "painful" over the word dark, and entered the painful world, expecting pain to wash over me.
painful world
full of shades
today I die
No pain, not directly. Just five shadows in a circle, their eyes closed. I could move them, but there didn't seem much point.
All of these shades, they were memories, memories of the things I was going through, all the people in my life I resented. This was the painful world, the world where I sat on my bed, staring at the ceiling, and moping, replaying all the bad moments from my days.
I dragged the word "dead" over the word "painful," and returned to the dead world.
dead world
full of shades
today I die
The dead world was waiting for me. I drifted down again, feeling the depths flowing up to crush me. I idly clicked on one of the jellyfish, expecting a jolt, perhaps to trigger me awake.
But no, when I held the jellyfish, something strange happened. It started to glow. And as it slowly glowed brighter the longer I held it, an idea came into focus above it. It slowly grew clearer, I imagined its glow breaking the shadows away, shielding me, protecting me.
On the page beneath the poem, I began to write the word S... H... I... N...
But then the bad thoughts came rushing back in the form of the two dark fish, that swooped up and killed the poor thing.
My eyes closed again. Nothing could stop the pain. I couldn't even imagine victory.
But something possessed me. Some fire, some righteous anger, some burning desire to grasp that light again. And somehow I resolved to not let those horrible thoughts stop me.
As the jellyfish drifted away, it came back on the other side of the field, alive once again. I picked up another one, held it, and this time, as the dark fish came for it, I yanked it away, moving it all around the field to keep it away from them. It might have taken a couple tries, but eventually I did it, and it released the idea. I wrote the letter E on the page of my journal, and now the word SHINE appeared in front of me, in this abyss.
I picked up that word, and the word "die" lit up in that same golden color. Putting all of my concentration and willpower into this new positive thinking, I dragged "shine" over the last word of the poem, and the word "die" disappeared, banished from my page forever.
dead world
full of shades
today I shine
The glow surrounded me, now. I was no longer falling, I floated, drifting in one spot, shining, no longer wet, able to breathe again, even in this nightmarish world. I moved myself around and found that my aura now repelled the shadow fish. And what's more, all those jellyfish began to glow as well. The evil fish, overwhelmed by the glow, fled off the field.
I was excited, a feeling I had not felt in ages. I moved up the word "dark" again, and wondered if the shades there would respond this time.
dark world
full of shades
today I shine
The dead world disappeared just like the dying had, leaving me in that undersea cavern. I moved down again, and this time the clouds moved away at my approach, revealing something stuck in the sand. Power coursing through me, I lifted the thing easily, and saw it was a statue. A statue of me, swimming upwards, evading the shades from the painful world.
Swimming?
A new idea came to me. The shining protected me, but I had to use so much willpower and concentration that it was keeping me in one place. Perhaps I could drop my guard long enough to escape?
I wrote the word "swim" on my journal page, and it appeared in front of me in the cavern, resting atop the statue. I drifted close to illuminate it, plucked it, and replaced SHINE with SWIM.
dark world
full of shades
today I swim
I launched myself upwards, the ball and chain now feeling light as a feather around me. But the cavern ceiling was in the way. I was illuminating the dark world, but seeing its limitations as well.
The dead world was gone, so there was only one recourse. I would brave the painful world.
painful world
full of shades
today I swim
There was no ceiling here. I swam upwards. Above me I could see the faint outline of a concept, an idea, a place where I could escape to.
Could I be thinking of a free world? How could...
But then the shades opened their eyes, and swam towards me. The demons, the mental avatars of all the people who made me unhappy, they attacked, the memories rushed back, and they dragged me down. I heard a dangerous sound pounding through my ears, as my newfound courage threatened to shatter.
In panic, I dragged the word "shine" up, in a desperate attempt to repel them. And it worked, they were pushed away. But their eyes were still open, still staring at me, still threatening to push me down further if I took one step out of the wall I had built around myself.
Had I written myself into a corner?
painful world
full of shades
today I shine
As I wondered what to do, I saw some flashes of light below me. Something was drifting up, some bubbles. I swooped down to touch one before it could hit a shade and pop, and as it grew, it showed me a vignette of a happy memory, one of the few nice moments that had been sprinkled across the long eons of my years here.
I searched the recesses of my memory, visualized by my diving for more of these bubbles. I seized and grew five of them. The light given off by them repelled the shades as well.
I arranged them in a circle around me. With them, I wouldn't need to focus on an artificial happiness to beat the demons.
I replaced SHINE with SWIM once again.
painful world
full of shades
today I swim.
This time, the shades were repelled by the memories. The few happy ones were now enough to get me through the bad times.
And as I swam, I slowly wrote the word FREE on the journal page, as it slowly came into focus above me. Once it turned the color of validity, I replaced the word "painful" with it.
A miracle happened. The word "shine" vanished, since I no longer needed its artificial power, but now I shone all on my own, without it.
And the dark and painful worlds vanished.
free world
full of shades
today I swim
I was now above the dead world, near the surface of the ocean, ready at any moment to break the surface, to be free.
I was scared when the bubbles disappeared, but now the shades didn't approach. I was shining on my own now, and they looked sad, defeated.
I seized each one and brought it close, imprisoning it in a bubble. The bubbles were happy thoughts, even about these people who were the source of so much pain.
And as I did so, a new word was written, slowly appearing above me. I only needed four, for some reason, but I could use five as well.
And once this word appeared, and all the shades were trapped in bubbles, I dragged this new word up to replace the defeated shades.
free world
full of beauty
today I swim
I watched the happy memories engulf the shades, and turned the dark shadows into shining golden gems.
I gathered them up, them sticking together into a shining golden bundle. I held all of them close, cuddling them, loving them
I was interrupted by the doorbell ringing downstairs. I was jolted out of the free world, but even as I went down to answer it, part of me still remained there, picturing it, interpreting everything going on now as part of my dream, letting the world back in.
I answered the door, and there stood Justin, the boy next door. I caught my breath. In the real world, he said he'd come by to borrow a DVD, but in the free world, he was swimming as well, and had been drawn over by the shining light of the golden shades in my collection.
In the real world, he looked at me oddly, like he saw something different about me. I thought it was just part of the dream, but then he asked what was going on, saying that he hadn't seen me look so cheerful in a long time.
I wasn't dreaming. I didn't know what to say, I stammered out an assurance that nothing had happened, that I didn't know what he was talking about.
He looked a little disappointed, but let the matter drop, as he grabbed the DVD and prepared to head out. In the free world, I had swam in silence for too long, and if I stayed quiet much longer, he would drift sadly away and it would be too late.
Could I muster up the courage to say something now? Would it be as easy as just clicking on myself in the free world, pulling myself over to where he was swimming, touching him, and seeing us leave the shades and swim up to the surface together? I could do that, but was I ready to let someone else in? Should I just snag him now, or could I just survive on my own for today, and see what happened later?
How would the poem end?
free world
full of beauty
today I swim
until you come
or
free world
full of beauty
today I swim
better by myself
But whichever one I picked, whether I let him go or snagged him, it was okay. I had stood up to the shades, I had allowed my head to clear of the scary thoughts, and I had done it by simply willing it, by not waiting for something to come along and pull me out without my doing anything, by not letting the world run me over and trying to ignore it. And now, I wasn't feeling the insane desperation or loneliness. I didn't need to be saved. So, even if I remained by myself now, I still had something I had never dreamed of before.
I had a choice.
Posted by: Sylocat | June 9, 2009 5:29 PM